"A Certain Slumber": The Story of Frances Strassman’s Life, as told by her son Michael

An estimated 108 billion people have lived and died on this planet, and as with snowflakes, all were unique and special. Of the 7.3 billion people currently alive on Earth, the same still holds true and it always will. The numbers and the implications are staggering if not incomprehensible. What is the meaning of my life? What is the meaning of someone else's life? Why should it matter?

As long as a life matters to just one being, even if only to the owner of that life herself, that life matters tremendously. There is an old saying, now typically glossed over, that goes something like this: "By changing yourself you can change the world." Aphorisms like this are cute and can make people feel good about themselves while they drive their Prius with this bumper sticker on their car, while they recycle their waste and shop at organic food stores, and so on. There is nothing wrong with this - don't get me wrong - I do the same exact thing, but the point is that many people give lip service to this, and sometimes there is little substance behind it.

Other people do these same things, but they have substance. This gives them credibility. Credibility gives them authority to change the world. Any one of us can be one of those people, but that is not always easy or convenient. This is a short story of one of those people.

Frances Strassman, born Frances Flynn, came from Minnesota - a product of good, upstanding, hard-working, white middle class, very decent people. She married a man of the same ilk. She brought into this world five children. OK, so that is around the first 35+ years or so of her life. So by age 35+ her life mattered, as most do, to the family that raised her, to her husband and to her children, and to some others. The middle-class American dream. Or so it seemed. But dreams are just that, and when she awoke from the dream, she was divorced and had no custody of her children. There was now a fork in the road - do you go left or right?

This fork awoke Frances from a certain slumber, a slumber of around 35 years. A slumber that would take a few more years from which to become fully awake. And then many more years to become fully aware. I remember Frances saying to me "I have lived several lives within this lifetime; my second life started after my divorce". That awakening from that slumber was the catalyst for her trying to change the world.

She then met a man who brought her passion and mysteries and intrigue and "danger." She had not experienced that before, she told me one evening, and felt incomplete because of that. Now she felt more alive, she felt there was something more to life than living the "American dream". This opened her up to new experiences, new possibilities. This man gave her something she never had before - a certain strength in knowing who she was, what she was worth. It was empowering, if not at times intoxicating and overwhelming. I know this because she told me so. The seed was sown and now could not be stopped: she found an inner voice - her womanhood. I hate to be corny, but to quote the singer and activist Helen Reddy - "I am woman, hear me roar". Frances became aware of her potential power.

She roared. The roar was so powerful it sent dream man #2 packing (be careful of dreams). He was a good man inside but he was an old fashioned man, and for him men are men, and women are women, and... Well, when dream man #2 realized what he was losing, he begged her to come back - he would change for her. No, no, no she said.

During her second life, Frances was exposed to new realities - she learned deeply about Latin American culture, about Mexico (she lived for a long time in New Mexico and southern California), and about Mexican spiritual beliefs. Eventually she was exposed to the writings of Carlos Castaneda. What matters is this: she discovered a "separate reality" - the world is not necessarily as we think it is. Her second life was over - the seed was sown, and the third life of Frances Strassman was about to start. The slumber had ended, and now she was awake. Very awake.

At some point Frances came to visit me in San Francisco, while she was living in Miami. I do not remember the year - maybe 1989. That was the start of Life #3 for Frances. By that time, she had found her independence as a woman, had become self-sufficient and empowered. I remember her saying once to me during that time, "I do not need a man to define my life - I will define it." She was exposed to two particular people in Miami who were experts/masters in Chinese spirituality (Taoism and Buddhism) and studied with them for many years. After several years of this, she came to visit me in 1989 in San Francisco.

I can still recall that day as clear as yesterday: "Michael, I have found my home," she said to me. I drove her all around the Bay Area on my motorcycle, and that was it - she was smitten. She closed up shop in Miami quite quickly, drove out here, and set up shop with me. Life #3 was in full swing.

She quickly became a student at the Nyingma Institute in Berkeley. She devoured studies of Buddhism and Taoism - many years of experience in Miami, and now many more years of experience in Berkeley and SF brought her to a high level. She became so popular at Nyingma that they asked her to become an instructor. She taught "Skillfull Means," a course that involved living your life through careful introspection and analysis. I remember talking to the dean of the school - he said, that at that time, her classes were the most popular in the entire school. Why? Because she lived and breathed what she taught.

She brought joy into what she taught. Other instructors were jealous (much to the delight of Frances). At this same time, Frances became aware that females were under-represented in the business world. She now she found a new calling - the role of the women in the business world of men. By now it is around 1996 - I am getting married, and the only woman that matters in the universe, aside from my wife, is Frances. The awakening period was over for Frances, and she was now becoming an aware being. Fully aware was the goal, and she was on a direct path to it.

Frances moved from San Francisco to Henry Street in Berkeley - directly behind Andronico's grocery store, where she stayed until the end. Frances came into full awareness as a human being during this period. She started a business, called "More Than Order." Her specialty was helping women who were independent, self sufficient, business owners. She had a soft spot for women in this male-dominated business world. Her goal in life was now clear: aside from personal beliefs, to help women become independent, successful business owners.

Many of her clients were powerful people at UC Berkeley, and most were women. She fought for women's rights with the tenacity of a bulldog. She befriended important people at UC Berkeley, and within the Bay Area Buddhist and business community. She was a very important member of NAPO - the National Association of Professional Organizers. As a matter of fact, a woman she inspired long ago to become a professional organizer became the person who closed out her estate when she died.

Frances died on Easter Sunday (coincidence?), in an automobile accident, while on a leisurely drive. I arrived the next day. Almost exactly 24 hours after she passed, I also got in a car accident on my way to pick up my sister to go to the hospital to claim her body. The car was completely totaled, and I was lucky to have not been seriously injured or killed. Or was it luck? For those who knew Frances, they would understand that maybe it was an omen - a message from her saying to me, "Michael, slow down, focus on the present moment - this accident you are in is a wake up call to live your life with more awareness, because your life matters to more people than you think."

In case you didn't know, Buddhists feel the soul of a person lingers for a certain time after physical death before moving on to reincarnate. Frances was there. By the way, Frances owned and drove a green, souped-up, 6 cylinder, stick shift sport coupe - no Prius for her! Life #3 was complete, and Life #4 was about to start - a fully realized, fully aware being.

Frances was so intelligent, so compelling, so pure, so wise, such a ball of energy (Mighty Mouse was a nickname) that she drew people to her. A few days after her death, there was a casual, private, spontaneous gathering at Indian Rock Park for her. Many, many people showed up - I was surprised at how many. Why? Because her life mattered to them - she made an impact on these people, and for some her impact was profound. And these people were a small fraction of all she knew.

Amongst these people was K.C. of Manifesta Salon. She came because Frances mattered to her. And because Frances mattered to K.C., Frances had an impact on the local community that Manifesta is rooted in, as K.C. is very involved. That means that any impact Frances had on K.C. has a ripple effect to those people that K.C. interacts with - like you, the reader. Now you will interact with others. And so on. You see, this is the real way that you change the world - not with bumper stickers or slogans.

So why should someone's life matter to you? Why should you care about this stranger Frances Strassman? Because if this is how Frances changed the world, then this is how you can change the world.

10 days after her death, a private ceremony was given for her at Odiyan Temple and Retreat near Santa Rosa. Odiyan is one of the largest Buddhist facilities in the western world (it is private). It was here that the profundity of the impact she had on others hit me. The only people allowed to come to that ceremony, held to honor her, were private members of that Buddhist community - no one else was allowed, no one was asked or forced to come.

Over 300 people came to honor her. That did not include friends, family and business relationships - imagine how many that would have been! And this was just one little old lady who really was rather private, and not a social gadfly. Her life mattered greatly to maybe 400 or so people. That means she had a positive effect on all those people - those people are better because of her.

So please do the math: what if all of you were a "Frances"? What if more people were like Frances? If there were only one thousand people who truly lived like Frances, then there would be about 400,000 people who would be good human beings striving to help others. The world would be a better place.

If you ever happen to see me driving my car - a green, souped-up, 6 cylinder, stick shift sport coupe, and you read my corny bumper sticker that says "By changing yourself you can change the world," you will know the true meaning behind it. I will now drive mom's car until either it or I evolve into Life #4. Peace.

Lisa Hsia and The Manifesta Portrait Series

This post comes from Lisa Hsia, the watercolor artist behind the portraits you may have seen hanging on Manifesta’s wall.

 When I tell people I’m doing portraits at a hair salon, they’re often unsure what I mean. “Wait, you do hair?” they ask. No, I say, I am useless with hair! “So the salon lets you use their space to do portraits?” Well, yes, I say, but I paint the salon’s clients.

What really happens is this: people come in for their haircuts, and then, if they’ve requested it beforehand, I’m there to paint their portrait. It takes about a couple of hours, and when it’s done, the portrait joins the others on the wall by the door. With each portrait, the gallery grows.

 Although each session plays out more or less the same way ― I greet the sitter and ask if they have any questions, do a preliminary pencil sketch, we take a break, I paint, we break, I paint, break, paint ― I find that every one is a fresh experience. Just as every person is unique, just as every day is unique, every session feels totally new. Different people bring a different energy, and I’m never the same either from day to day. I really think of the portraits as an exchange. We offer each other our presence and our conversation, and somehow, that back-and-forth makes it into the finished painting. 

There is a reason I don’t like painting from photos, and it is that a photo isn’t a person, it’s an image. If all I wanted was an image, I could turn to the internet or any magazine. But to have a person in front of me, with their particular thoughts, responses, gestures, and way of being ― that’s a whole entity that is a challenge and a joy to try to capture. There is a mystery about it, even to me. I painted one person who fidgeted, moved their head at unexpected moments, and talked a lot, and somehow their painting came out with a quality of focused stillness. I painted another person who had vibrant, lively energy, and their portrait came out soft and gentle. And yet everyone has said they like their portraits, so I think (I hope!) I’m able to see something about them that goes deeper than just what they’re projecting on the surface.

I said at ‘Festaval that while in my day-to-day life I am as appearance-conscious as anyone ― making snap judgments about whether someone looks “good” or their outfit looks put-together ― as an artist I see everyone as beautiful. And not just beautiful aesthetically, but interesting, worthy. I have never painted someone and not felt enthralled by their face and by who they are. And maybe that’s me letting down some kind of barrier, too.

I find it such a privilege to get to spend an hour or two with another person and really try to see them, and then translate that into marks I make on a blank piece of paper. To me it’s like magic, and when I watch people’s faces when they see their portraits, that seems to be how it feels to them too.

 Find Lisa’s artwork and other writings at satsumabug.com.

Bangles, Not Bombs!

What does garbage from Hayward, CA have to do with a subsistence farming village in Laos? It's amazing the things we learn and re-learn doing community building work here at 'Festa. One such lesson of which we have recently been reminded, is that so frequently in life, despite outward appearances, two things that seem to be so separate have real connections. The story starts with metal and ends with community.


There it was, leaning against a dumpster on the side of the road in Hayward. Filthy, rusted, discarded, and through his eyes, the perfect piece of mesh metal to complete a shelving unit Billy Lutes was custom building for Manifesta Salon. He pulled his pickup truck over, donned his heavy duty gloves, and tossed the heap of junk in the back. One week later, after deep cleaning, painting, sanding and a dash of wizardry, a completely transformed piece of someone's garbage became the backing on a crafty retail unit for our stunning front desk, also hand-made with love by Billy. Little did he know that his upcycled creation would soon be home to a set of bracelets, sold by our 'Festa partner business Half Hitch Goods, that tell their own amazing story!


As the Half Hitch Goods website (www.halfhitchgoods.com) explains, "250 million bombs... were dropped on Laos by the U.S. during the Vietnam War.  It is a dangerous land because 1 in 3 bombs that were dropped did not detonate and are still land mines today.  Since 80% of Laotians are subsistence farmers... the danger of the undetonated bomb litter presents a food security issue and a barrier to economic development." The story continues that folks from Naphia Village in Laos devised a way to repurpose the metal collected from the bombs, and in collaboration with nonprofit Mine Advisory Group (www.maginternational.org) and design company Article 22, began making the "peace bomb" bracelets to sell internationally, raising awareness and funding that sustains the bomb dismantling effort.

The reason for sharing these stories is manifold. We want you to know that when you walk in our door, you are supporting 2 small local businesses, Half Hitch Goods and Manifesta. When you browse the products housed on our shelves, you are seeing the love that went into the making of our set of practical yet elegant furniture, created by hand from found and repurposed materials by Billy Lutes, life partner to Manifesta Co-Owner KC Lutes. And when you purchase a Peace Bomb Bangle from the Half Hitch Goods collection, not only are you helping to remove land mines from 3 square meters of land in Laos, but you are helping us draw our family circle wider than Oakland. In short, when you pay us a visit, you become an integral part of building our unique community. The door is always open!

HELLO! and COMING SOON: 'FESTA, FEATURING HALF HITCH GOODS

Hello Friends, Family and Community!  Welcome to the debut of the 'Festa blog! For folks who may be wondering what all the 'fest(ivities) are about, we are ecstatic to announce the upcoming launch of Manifesta's community kinship program, 'Festa. From the beginning, Manifesta was intended to be not only a salon, but a business that recognizes it's intrinsic connection to the community around us, and engages in collaborations with other small start-up businesses and neighborhood organizations in ways that help facilitate our mutual success. Particularly in working with local entrepreneurs, we think of 'Festa as a safe place in which new businesses can "test bed" their ideas.  One of the Manifesta(tions) of community kinship we imagine are pop-up retail kiosks of locally sourced artisan/craftsman products. 

On that note, it is with great enthusiasm that we are featuring... HALF HITCH GOODS as our FIRST 'FESTA RETAIL PARTNER!! There are so many reasons we are honored to collaborate with Half Hitch Goods - amazing products, fabulous people, a local business - but perhaps our favorite reasons have to do with telling stories and giving gifts. The practices of storytelling and gift giving are invaluable keystones in community building.  Not only does Half Hitch Goods, itself, have an awesome story, but story telling is a built-in part of the Half Hitch Goods experience (keep reading!).  Half Hitch Goods is also engaged in promoting the spirit of generosity, as the focus of their retail selection is gifting (and just in time for the holidays!) Here's a sneak preview of what Half Hitch Goods offers (for the whole story visit www.halfhitchgoods.com):

"The mission of Half Hitch Goods is to offer the best quality heirloom gift assortment and promote thoughtful gift giving, including impeccable presentation.  The secret to great gifting is finding personal things that have meaningful product stories, which make them significant.  Carrie and her husband (and high school sweetheart) Britton, are documenting their product stories as they travel in their old Volkswagen Vanagon "Doka" to visit artist's studios and learn about their makers." 

Thank you so much for your support. Because reciprocity with those around us is at the core of what we are striving to achieve, please let us know if you or someone you know might benefit from a partnership with 'Festa. Email K.C. Lutes, Community Collaborations, at festa.oak@gmail.com. Stay tuned for more news on 'Festa's 'fest(ivities) and manifesta(tions)!